why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
