come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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