You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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