It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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