2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
