The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
