Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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