We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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