This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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