i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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