You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
