fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
