i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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