don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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