No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I could fuck to npr.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
