i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
