In the future we'll all be gay
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
