Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
