"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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