and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
