1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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