You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
