goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
