ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
