I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
