you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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