your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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