Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
