I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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