Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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