unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
