I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This house was built for laser tag.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize