just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
