yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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