My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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