He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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