She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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