If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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