Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
