I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
