Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
