He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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