I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
