i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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