Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
