guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
