As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
