Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
