If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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