somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
