my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize