If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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