the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
