Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
