Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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