Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
