i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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