We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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