if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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